We Tried Erotic Live Dealer Games…And It Was Super Awkward
Erotic live dealer games are thing. Yes, really. So, as you can imagine, my curiosity got the best of me and I had to give them a spin. It was one of the more bizarre experiences I’ve had online, and I just got my six-year badge on Reddit, so that should give you an idea of how my time an erotic live casino went.
It definitely wasn’t a classy joint. Most live casinos are designed to look like an actual brick-and-mortar venue with an elegant backdrop and some tasteful décor. In the erotic live casino games, it was just a big empty room with a few table games. Easy listening electronica music played in the background – which, I’m sure, if you’ve watched any PornHub videos, you’d recognise.
I don’t know what I was expecting in terms of uniform, but I was surprised to see the dealer wearing lingerie. It was a two-piece outfit with a bracelet and lace undies, like she hadn’t finished getting ready for a hot date. I felt a bit creepy, a little voyeuristic, but I powered on with my meagre €30 bankroll.
She definitely didn’t want to be there. I got the same feeling as when I was in Amsterdam, meandering through the red-light district. The dancers would sway sensually in the windows – their limbs saying, “come hither” but their eyes screaming “please go away, I just want to go home and watch some Netflix”.
I attempted to make small talk in the chat box, but was drowned out by the other dudes. It was mainly guys telling dealer how sexy she is. She smiled and said “thank you” in the politest way she could manage. It’s the look you give when you’re cornered at a bar and a guy is offering to buy you a drink while telling you that it’s illegal to look so beautiful. Hiding the creeped out behind the cordial.
Aside from that, there was nothing said in between spins aside from “good luck” and “place your bets”. So, we could all just sit in silence, wondering what we’re doing with our lives.
The next deal was a bit livelier. She had a little dance going while she spun the roulette wheel and maybe even kind of looked like she was enjoying herself.
I didn’t feel so bad this time around until she took her top down and tempted the punters with her “sexy boobs” – saying the words aloud just in case we didn’t know what we were looking at. And, to be honest, I wouldn’t doubt that this was the first time some of these guys were seeing “sexy boobs”, the way the tips came flying in. I typed a quick “thank you” into the chat box and shuddered as I shut my laptop.
I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the other games at the casino. In addition to popular slots games from reputable developers, the casino also had proprietary games featuring – you guessed it – porn stars. Some choice titles include “Cheerleaders”, “Pirates” and “Bigtits”. Out of morbid curiosity, I clicked “Play for Fun” on the Cheerleaders slot. It was full of screenshots from the parts of the porn where the cheerleaders had already shed their pom poms and pleated skirts. It was more funny than it was weird, but I felt like I really didn’t need to see any of the other games. That did me for the time being.
What Live Dealers Are Really Like
When I was ready to face my computer again, I visited a “regular” live casino. I needed to remind myself what the dealers are like, and I was shocked at how different it was. The blackjack dealer seemed happy to be there, cheerfully chatting with us punters about her plans for the weekend. She remarked on my nickname “JoeyJoJoJr” – and commiserated with me when I lost a hand.
I actually felt like I was at a brick-and-mortar casino, having a friendly chat with the dealer. So, most live dealer casinos serve their purpose as a fair substitute for playing live.
Erotic live dealer games are an entirely different beast, but that’s not to say I was disappointed with my experience. In a way, they were exactly what I was expecting them to be. A little tacky, a manageable amount of awkward and very voyeuristic.
Granted, if this is the kind of thing that you enjoy, more power to you, my friend. As a cross between watching a peep show and visiting the kind of casino where they let patrons wear sweatpants, erotic live casino games certainly fill a very specific niche.